beachtownshmuckaround

"I don't believe in Heaven or anything. But I want to be the kind of person that qualifies for entry anyway."

-Nick Hornby

The bums are busy this morning

Rustling through my waste

Garbage bag shuffle

Hands sticky from soda’s half drunk then discarded

I marvel at how slowly they sift inside the trashcans

Dipping their noses deep into the darkness

Inhaling and humming

Apathetic scavengers, pigeons rats

Confessing their sins to the inside of brown bags

They are busy because its Sunday

And my street is a testament to the depth of urban alcoholism

Its getting hot and they don’t have the sense to take off their coats

Their sweat drops to the asphalt and runs into the sewers

I watch them shirtless from my balcony

A cigarette between fingers still slick from sunscreen

Molly is shouting from inside

Something about being late to the beach

Telling me I can do anything I want is like pulling the plug out of the bath and then telling the water it can go anywhere it wants. Try it, and see what happens.

-Nick Hornby

Words written with a fingertip

Begging strangers

To make real

The mysteries of

What it is that separates us

Mother to Father

I dive into this amber green pond that is you
Slowly carried along by a gentle surge
Sliding through iridescent waters

As the surge quickens it becomes impossible to
Distinguish myself from the water, the sky, the shore,
Or the ever-increasing rhythm of the movement

Screeching out of delight and fear
Of this inescapable pull
I uselessly grasp at branches hanging into the water
From the large silent trees along the shore

These slip through my hands as I am irrevocably carried along,
Eddying and slowing only momentarily before the final descent
Where I am falling, falling, falling endlessly only to land once again in your amber green sea
-Christiane Stefanoff




drink sleep love? laugh hate hide girl play run

I have a tendency towards entropy

recovering from the sun

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for. — Epicurus



I don’t remember the first time I smoked a cigarette
But it probably happened in summer
some beachside alleyway,
my bathing suit bunched up around my thighs
A half Asian girl nonchalantly pulling a pack out of her purse
Laughing and gnawing at her painted nails
dressed in a ratty t-shirt and running her hands through layered hair
somehow years of DARE
didn’t seem so important





(Found from the NY times)

sexual priests
sweeping Germany
molesting boys
Bishop down
In the matter
"It depends on what you mean by responsible"
from his office, the answer to that question
has already been given

The German Bishops Conference
announced sexual-abuse
for abusers
Bishop Ludwig Schick of Bamberg
was surprised
that the matter had to be dealt with
"its bitter and its hard but it absolutely has to be worked"
"This abscess must be opened"




You will stay on, restive, serene in Your gesture which is neither embrace nor warning But which holds something of both in pure Affirmation that doesn't affirm anything -John Ashbery




How would they respond if I chose the Crow over the Dove?
Favoring the Cawwww to the Coooooo

Neon Disillusion.

Stop interpreting everything, it is what it is
-Logan Esdale




Turning on the lights to see what darkness looks like
-William James







Indifferent murders
Killing us slowly with their nonchalance
Using shy smiles and a quick kisses
To carry our minds
To distant oceans,

I watched such a daydream collapse
Crumpled amongst the sand and wind
And lights and sin
Booze as a spade
We made quick the grave

Of emotions too eager to latch on
Like a tick to a t-shirt
Sucking on cloth
Not blood

I don’t care about
Her eagerness to slip away
I just question
My part in it



A sky bustling with the invisible
my perspective
seems
small

Frusterated men always insist on monolouges

My fingers touched the snow
Fresh and stiff. yet to see the sun
Through two pairs of gloves
I shifted into the masses
Parting its walls at will
Reaching deep inside




Yet it seemed foreign
I could not feel the cold
Only touch
I’m always quick to put
Thick layers over the skin that
aches the most






It gets hard to enjoy;
The sun shining off its surface
How sharp your breaths become
the crackle against your coat

When you wrap yourself
In coats and blankets and excuses


how long have you been waiting?
Only to hide behind polyester and nylon

only to sigh when it dosent seem the same
as when you were a kid
and your nose was runny and your fingers ached
and you stayed out there until
the shivering became too much



but your older now

Better just stay indoors
Keep near the heater
Stay warm and
Dread the cold








I remember the sound of the ice cream man coming.

I remember once losing my nickle in the grass before he made it to my house.

I remember that life was just as serious then as it is now.
-Joe Brainard





"She'd seen them them all before, those faces. She knew them all, knew the sound of their voices, sounds mired in human emotions, sounds clear and pure with thought, and sounds wavering in that chasm between the two. Is this, she wondered, my legacy? And one day I'll be just one more of those faces, frozen in death and wonder."
-Steven Erikson



"Kallor said: 'I walked this land when the T'lan Imass were but children. I have commanded armies a hundred thousand strong. I have spread the fire of my wrath across entire continents, and sat alone upon tall thrones. Do you grasp the meaning of this?'
'Yes,' said Caladan Brood, 'you never learn.'"
-Steven Erikson


Ive got nothing to say. Ive spent too much time in front of digital screens. Watching sitcoms and dramas and movies so bad we couldn’t help but laugh. Holding onto dirty cups filled with ice and not enough coke. Frozen by the stimulation. My soul glazing over. Just sit and watch a while. I doubt you will have any desire to leave.

Finding/Looking/Losing

There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.
-J.R.R. Tolkien






Part of me remains, wench, Boult-upright
The rest of me drops off into the night.
-Ern Malley



primates
and heavens saints
tumbling over mud and brick
and floors packed and slick
gnawing grappling growl
fighting; fierce, fowl
weary wings too far from home
wit and speed, fatigued by their roam
losing sight of bright-cloud skies
wings recede, a film obscures their eyes


Ive been Looking in the wrong places then i guess...

Marching somewhere.

For the next half hour we lay wordless, sipping fizzy wine, crunched together on the mattress. Two fools connected by darkness
-Dan Fante




Death on the stairs
Slippery wood and heels
Two steps from the bedroom
Then back to the bottom
No shout or reaction
Just Backwards commotion


Bright lights and sin's
a bus ride away
guess we will discover...
the future...
tomorrow.