And then we cowards
who loved the whispering
evening, the houses,
the paths by the river,
the dirty red lights
of those places, the sweet
soundless sorrow—
we reached our hands out
toward the living chain
in silence, but our heart
startled us with blood,
and no more sweetness then,
no more losing ourselves
on the path by the river—
no longer slaves, we knew
we were alone and alive.
-Cesare Pavese
a youth pastor once told me that
in heaven,
there is the unimaginable
this profoundness lies in our inability to fathom
what hides behind gods will.
he offered to baptize us in the ocean
wash the skin of sin
for those
the new members,
who wanted to go there
but i was too embarrassed
that noone else went forth
to accept the rebirth
so i chose eternal damnation
rather than be noticed
